As our clients near the end of the first month of the new year, perhaps establishing new habits, or feeling critical of themselves for habits they have not yet begun, self-compassion is an excellent practice. In MEDITATION: BE GOOD TO YOURSELF, Kristin Neff reminds us of the value of empathy in the practice of self-compassion. This form of empathy begins with the acknowledgement of suffering; allowing one to notice, name and experience the pain of the negative emotions. The very act of naming the emotion reduces its intensity – Dr. Dan Siegel calls this “name it to tame it.” Coaches will benefit clients by supporting them in identifying the emotions they are experiencing, perhaps utilizing the FEELINGS LISTS from Compassionate Communication, as a first step in untangling the emotion to allow the light of self-compassion in.

One of our favorite thought leaders, BRIAN JOHNSON, recently wrote about the concept smallifying. In LITTLE BETS, author Peter Sims says, “The key is to take a larger project or goal and break it down into smaller problems to be solved, constraining the scope of work to solving a key problem, and then another key problem.  This strategy, of breaking a project down into discrete, relatively small problems to be resolved, is what Bing Gordon, a cofounder and the former chief creative officer of the video game company Electronic Arts, calls smallifying.” Of course, smallifying is exactly what a coach does when they support a client to dream a big dream and then break down the “how-to’s” into manageable parts.  Creating a Vision statement is exciting, exhilarating, and invigorating…until it feels overwhelming, unreachable, and unrealistic. When a client moves from the “I really want this!” stage to the “I don’t know how to get it!” stage, it is though goal setting, or smallifying, that confidence is built. “I can do it!” comes from the careful design of short-term (three-month) and near-term (weekly) plans that consider: 1. The motivation behind the goal (a strong and personal connection to the Vision) 2. The elements that need to be in place to increase success (supportive people, habits, support systems) 3.  A clear behavioral plan (how, when, who, where, how often?) 4. A high level of confidence (“I know I am ready, willing and able to do this!”) 5. A growth-mindset (a willingness to experiment, learn and try again) So, go small to grow BIG! “Planning is bringing the future into the present so that you can do something about it now” – Alan Lakein

We’ve been asked, “If I become a ‘Wellcoach’, how do I define ‘well-being?’ Interesting question indeed! In fact, there is an entire journal dedicated to this topic – The INTERNATIONAL JOURNAL OF WELL-BEING. Among its many perspectives on the topic, ONE ARTICLE DEFINED WELLBEING as “the balance point between an individual’s resource pool and the challenges faced.”  Of course, coaches also understand this to be similar to the definition of “flow”. A RECENT ARTICLE IN WEBMD  explored a similar question, asking, “Has wellness become just a buzzword with no real substance behind it?”  The article traces the evolution of the wellness revolution from the 70’s (the hurry to get fit) to today (the journey to be well). We see a continued, and necessary, expansion of the understanding of well-being to include what makes one thrive and flourish. Following MARTIN SELIGMAN’S PERMA MODEL, this includes: Positive emotions – feeling good Engagement – being completely absorbed in activities Relationships – being authentically connected to others Meaning – a purposeful existence Achievement – a sense of accomplishment and success This, of course, requires a reach beyond inquires around what a client is eating and how much they are exercising. Behavior change is a holistic proposition, best done when deeply rooted in meaning and purpose, including conversations about one’s whole life.

Business Insider (Jan 2016) 72% OF PEOPLE GET THEIR BEST IDEAS IN THE SHOWER – HERE’S WHY This article highlights RESEARCH from Scott Barry Kaufman, a cognitive scientist and co-author of “WIRED TO CREATE“, examining the importance of relaxation in accessing creativity. How might this be connected to the environment you create for coaching? How do you create the warm, refreshing space necessary for clients to tap into their creative parts?

In this episode, KATYA INTERVIEWS MARGARET MOORE about healthy habits, behavioral change, and health coaching. Wellness and Health Coaching is a new occupation, that is playing a more and more significant role in the Health Care Industry. They also discuss how everyday habits can transform your life and how to get back on track after setbacks.

A recent ARTICLE IN STONE HEARTH NEWSLETTERS reinforced the importance of intentional presence in dispelling myths about multitasking. One myth is believing that we can focus on two mental activities at once.  While it is true that we can engage in unconscious activities (like brushing teeth) while thinking about something else, we cannot successfully focus on two activities that require conscious focus. For example, if reading an email during a coaching conversation, we would not be able to process the information in either well. In other words, multitasking leads to mindlessness. And mindlessness is the antithesis of powerful coaching. A second myth is believing we can go back and forth between mental activities and stay on top of both of them.  In fact, when we regularly multi-task we are more likely to have a decrease in our ability to regulate emotion and a decrease in our ability to control our impulses. Instead, in ORGANIZE YOUR MIND, Margaret Moore suggests that an agile mind will let go of one task fully, allowing a pause for the emptying of the prefrontal cortex, before intentionally shifting to the next task.  Transitioning to the next task is most successful with a connection to the intention: What’s my goal? Why does this next task matter? What’s my higher purpose?  This can even be applied when moving from one coaching conversation to the next, asking “What do I need now to fully focus on this client?” and then fully devoting all of your brain’s resources to that conversation. In the past 24 hours, how often have you shifted your attention fully from one activity to another, not thinking about the last task or anything else?

As a coach, I get to work with fascinating, complex and brilliant leaders. I can’t help but be overjoyed when a client begins to recognize negative self-talk and transform it into encouraging words of wisdom. It can be life changing! Here are THREE AHA! MOMENTS that we can all learn from.

From CAN HELPING OTHERS HELP YOU FIND MEANING IN LIFE? – “A recent STUDY by Roy Baumeister at Florida State University sought to investigate this and other differences between happiness and meaning. In a survey of over 300 participants, the researchers looked for traits and behaviors that were related to happiness (but not meaningfulness) and vice versa. The researchers found that having strong social connections was important for both happiness and meaningfulness. However, helping others in need and identifying oneself as a “giver” in relationships were related to meaning alone.” The article goes on to support ways in which helping others is connected to our basic psychological needs for autonomy, competence and relatedness. What are the ways that being a coach has increased your sense of meaning?

Coaches bring a unique approach to the patient/client relationship by viewing it as a collaboration. This partnership of equals does not rely on the expert knowledge of the coach to be the “hero” that can “fix” the patient/client. Instead of being the keeper of knowledge, the coach both elicits information from the client and openly shares knowledge, as needed. At its heart, coaching strives to build the confidence of the patient/client, by support them in gaining a sense of competence.  As in article in The Journal of Participatory Medicine, HOW A PATIENT WAS MOTIVATED BY READING HIS OFFICE NOTES, a wise coach lays all of the tools on the table and asks the client which they want to use, and how.

Travis Bradberry’s article in Entrepreneur Magazine was a great reminder of the importance of the beliefs we hold about our clients. In “8 UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS THAT CAN HARM YOU“, Bradberry alludes to the great quote from Henry Ford which goes something like, “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.” “Your expectations, more than anything else in life, determine your reality. When it comes to achieving your goals, if you don’t believe you’ll succeed, you won’t,” says Bradberry, “Indeed, we get the most out of other people when we believe in them. Research shows that this happens because when we believe in someone we: treat them better than people we think will fail;  give them more opportunities to succeed than we give those we think will fail; give them more accurate, helpful feedback than we give others; and, we do more teaching because we believe it’s time well spent.” This phenomenon is similar to the “Pygmalion Effect;” a persistently held belief in another person such that the belief becomes a reality. In other words, what we see is what we get. And so, with our clients, we must be aware of our expectations and labels. When we have labeled a client as stubborn, unfocused, non-compliant and so on, our coaching behaviors follow suite. As we unconsciously begin to treat that client as stubborn, lazy, and non-compliant, the client is more likely to reciprocate with that behavior. Changing our expectations and negative labels allows us to see the client in a new light. Look at the positive side of a stubborn, for example. A “stubborn” client could instead be appreciated for their willingness to persist in the face of difficulties. A “unfocused” client could be appreciated for their energy and zest. Persistence, energy and zest are, in fact, traits that are often highly admired. As your vocabulary changes, so does your perspective. You begin to focus on strengths and potential, and through your own signals, send the message to your client that you believe in their potential, holding them in positive regard. Coaching inquiries: What words do you use to describe your client, out loud or in your head?  How are these assets for them?

Several years ago, I received a new hair dryer with a special “ionizing” feature. This option releases negative ions, which break down the water molecules on your wet hair so they can be absorbed into your follicles, leaving one with super-moisturized locks that feel silky and look healthier. And, oh, I felt wonderful! My hair was better than it ever had been  – cooperative, shiny, and stylish. Two weeks after receiving the hair dryer, I was examining it and realized I had not even turned on the ionizing feature! How could this be? I had certainly felt a noticeable difference in my appearance since buying this new gadget. Then, I remembered Dr. Wayne Dyer’s book, YOU’LL SEE IT WHEN YOU BELIEVE IT, a detailed account of how to change not only the way you perceive reality, but reality itself. Dr. Dyer’s assertion that “Thoughts are the ways in which we can make virtually anything happen” had become my reality. I believed that my hair dryer was making something special out of my hair, and so that is what I experienced. There is such power in what we believe about ourselves and what is possible. When working with clients, I often have them write “I am” statements related to the goals they are working toward. For example, there is much more energy and intentionality in saying “I am a brilliant children’s author” than in saying “I will be a brilliant children’s author.” Change begins with one’s belief in the ability to make it so. Transformation begins with one’s belief that it is so. In her blog, “THE SCIENCE OF WHAT WE BELIEVE BECOMES OUR REALITY“, Georgianna Donadio reminds us of a quote from James Allen: “Mind is the Master Power that molds and makes, and we are mind. And ever more we take the tool of thought, and shaping what we will, bring forth a thousand joys, or a thousand ills. We think in secret, and it comes to pass, environment, is but our looking glass.” Donadio also cites an article from HARVARD MAGAZINE in which the placebo effect proved that “patients’ perceptions matter, and the ways physicians frame perceptions can have significant effects on their patients’ health.” In coaching, just as our positive beliefs about ourselves enhance our ability to create the best in ourselves, our negative beliefs about ourselves create our negative experiences. If you believe you don’t deserve it, you won’t get what you deserve. It you believe you are a failure, so you may be. Coaching Questions: What is it you are wishing for right now and what are the beliefs you have about your ability to achieve it? What is the one “I am” statement you could adopt that could transform your life?

From a RECENT ARTICLE in Neuroscience News: “The most stressful scenario is when you really don’t know. It’s the uncertainty that makes us anxious. The same is likely to apply in many familiar situations, whether it’s waiting for medical results or information on train delays.” The article focuses on a study where subjects who were uncertain (had a 50/50 chance) of receiving a mild shock experienced more stress than those who knew they were going to be shocked (and, of course, those who knew they weren’t!) However, the experiment also showed that, at peak stress levels, subjects were better at guessing whether or not they would receive a shock. When coaches work with clients to set goals and make plans for new behaviors, there are often many uncertainties at play. First, we want to acknowledge the uncertainty with empathy. Noticing and naming the feelings that can arise when looking into the unknown can help tame the frenzy caused by any negative feelings. Allow the client to acknowledge their presence, rather than ignoring, or stepping over, them.  They are often indicators of important information that can contribute to safety. Next, create the circumstances for certainty. Build plans that are deeply rooted in the clients strengths, motivations and past successes. Don’t stop at setting goals – build the scaffolding around the goals that will contribute to success. Ask about what habits, structures, and supports systems they need to achieve the plan. And, lastly, honor the contribution of the client’s instincts and sense of confidence. The study tells us that, in times of uncertainty, we are built to sense danger. Honoring the client’s autonomy, let them be the guide in deciding which path to take on their own journey to behavior change.